A few months ago, I found a podcast that sucked me in from day one. Sarah and Stephanie from Get Mommy a Drink are f'in hilarious. Their tagline "A podcast for Moms who don't necessarily play well with others" speaks to my soul. *wink*
Today they posted my guest blog story about my divorce. You can read it here - How We Make Divorce Suck Just a Little Less.
Now I have to go referee the fight going on between my two boys over who has to pick up what toys in their room. They'd be done by now if they'd quit pissing each other off!
~S
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
SMKS (Shit My Kids Say)...
My 8yo son to my 4yo son as we get ready to leave this morning...
"If you fart in the car, I will beat you like a baby seal."
~ Sarah ~
PS...I *swear* that he didn't learn this one from me. I admit that most of the shit that comes out of their mouths is my fault but NOT THIS ONE!!
"If you fart in the car, I will beat you like a baby seal."
~ Sarah ~
PS...I *swear* that he didn't learn this one from me. I admit that most of the shit that comes out of their mouths is my fault but NOT THIS ONE!!
Monday, August 15, 2011
Baby Wants
I don't have kids. It has nothing to do with not liking children or having a career that they would interrupt, and no, I'm not *whisper* infertile. The truth is, I don't want kids. Most of the time.
A few weeks ago, I met Sarah's boys via Skype. Holy hell. We had show-and-tell time with Uncle Paul and Auntie Nic. (Auntie Nic. Sigh.) We talked about baseball and hockey and there was much giggling. Interacting with bright, inquisitive kids always makes me wonder what kind of mom I would have been. Because of course, any child of mine would be way above average. The kid sitting in the dirt staring blankly at nothing, eating his boogers with one hand, his other hand down his pants, for some reason, never puts these thoughts into my head. Kids who are fun and funny and rambunctious are a different story.
That night I had a dream that I had a baby. Usually when I dream I have a baby it will go something like this: I come home from work, pour myself a drink and go about my normal business when OH MY GOD! I FORGOT I HAVE A BABY AND LEFT IT UNDER THE COFFEE TABLE AND FORGOT TO FEED IT! I wake up in a cold sweat and am relieved to discover that no, I don't need to wait for CPS to come knocking on my door. This time though, everything was perfect. I was sitting in a rocking chair with my tiny infant who was all happy and content. Because that's how they are all the time, right? The next morning, I woke up with a bad case of the baby wants.
Before I go any further, I should note that I am 36. My husband is 20 years my senior with three adult children. We have three grandchildren and another on the way. I'm not exactly in a position at this point in my life to be entertaining thoughts of bringing a child into the world. But there I was, laying in bed, wondering what it would be like to have a little one snuggled up next to me.
It seems that anytime the baby wants strike, there are suddenly adorable, well behaved kids everywhere. For the next week, I fought off tears every time I saw a little one, and there were a lot of little ones.
That Saturday, we were invited to the neighbors for a party and not being ones to turn down good food and booze, we accepted.
I ended up very soon after arrival being greeted by the neighbors' 7 year old who requested my presence in the bouncy castle. FUCK. "Okay," I thought, "not a problem. They will be obnoxious because they are unsupervised and hyped up on soda and sugar." Nope. They wanted to tell me stories and show me their acrobatic feats. After about 45 minutes of a group of 4-10 year olds jumping on my ovaries, I needed a breather. (By that, I mean alcohol and a distraction.) I excused myself, grabbed a beer and found my husband who was involved in a very animated discussion about Mariachi vs. Polka music. My mind now completely off the kids, I'm starting to relax when the 7 year old comes over where we talking and says to my neighbor, "MOM! J is crying and asking for you!" I turned to my neighbor and said, "You stay with your guests, I'll take care of it, don't worry." The 7 year old takes my hand and leads me back into the bouncy castle where I find her brother sobbing. I sit down next to him and ask him what's wrong. More crying. "Are you hurt?" Crying. "It's a little overwhelming in here, do you want to get out?" Still crying. "Why don't you get on my shoulders and I'll take you to your mom?" Jesus, do kids get tired of crying? "She is just over there! We can get out and run right to her!" No dice.
I'm starting to panic a bit, when I realize there is something wet running up my leg. Suddenly, my ass is soaking wet.
I go home feeling pretty good about the fact that an inconsolable 5 year old and some kid pee has staved off the baby wants. I would clearly suck at the Mom thing if I can't handle those two things.
A few days later, I get this:
Fucking Sarah.
-Nic
A few weeks ago, I met Sarah's boys via Skype. Holy hell. We had show-and-tell time with Uncle Paul and Auntie Nic. (Auntie Nic. Sigh.) We talked about baseball and hockey and there was much giggling. Interacting with bright, inquisitive kids always makes me wonder what kind of mom I would have been. Because of course, any child of mine would be way above average. The kid sitting in the dirt staring blankly at nothing, eating his boogers with one hand, his other hand down his pants, for some reason, never puts these thoughts into my head. Kids who are fun and funny and rambunctious are a different story.
That night I had a dream that I had a baby. Usually when I dream I have a baby it will go something like this: I come home from work, pour myself a drink and go about my normal business when OH MY GOD! I FORGOT I HAVE A BABY AND LEFT IT UNDER THE COFFEE TABLE AND FORGOT TO FEED IT! I wake up in a cold sweat and am relieved to discover that no, I don't need to wait for CPS to come knocking on my door. This time though, everything was perfect. I was sitting in a rocking chair with my tiny infant who was all happy and content. Because that's how they are all the time, right? The next morning, I woke up with a bad case of the baby wants.
Before I go any further, I should note that I am 36. My husband is 20 years my senior with three adult children. We have three grandchildren and another on the way. I'm not exactly in a position at this point in my life to be entertaining thoughts of bringing a child into the world. But there I was, laying in bed, wondering what it would be like to have a little one snuggled up next to me.
It seems that anytime the baby wants strike, there are suddenly adorable, well behaved kids everywhere. For the next week, I fought off tears every time I saw a little one, and there were a lot of little ones.
That Saturday, we were invited to the neighbors for a party and not being ones to turn down good food and booze, we accepted.
I ended up very soon after arrival being greeted by the neighbors' 7 year old who requested my presence in the bouncy castle. FUCK. "Okay," I thought, "not a problem. They will be obnoxious because they are unsupervised and hyped up on soda and sugar." Nope. They wanted to tell me stories and show me their acrobatic feats. After about 45 minutes of a group of 4-10 year olds jumping on my ovaries, I needed a breather. (By that, I mean alcohol and a distraction.) I excused myself, grabbed a beer and found my husband who was involved in a very animated discussion about Mariachi vs. Polka music. My mind now completely off the kids, I'm starting to relax when the 7 year old comes over where we talking and says to my neighbor, "MOM! J is crying and asking for you!" I turned to my neighbor and said, "You stay with your guests, I'll take care of it, don't worry." The 7 year old takes my hand and leads me back into the bouncy castle where I find her brother sobbing. I sit down next to him and ask him what's wrong. More crying. "Are you hurt?" Crying. "It's a little overwhelming in here, do you want to get out?" Still crying. "Why don't you get on my shoulders and I'll take you to your mom?" Jesus, do kids get tired of crying? "She is just over there! We can get out and run right to her!" No dice.
I'm starting to panic a bit, when I realize there is something wet running up my leg. Suddenly, my ass is soaking wet.
I go home feeling pretty good about the fact that an inconsolable 5 year old and some kid pee has staved off the baby wants. I would clearly suck at the Mom thing if I can't handle those two things.
A few days later, I get this:
Fucking Sarah.
-Nic
Sunday, August 14, 2011
~ Mixology with S&N ~
Nic and I are far from liquor snobs. We like top shelf liquor and premium beer but if left up to us, we prefer bar pours and cheap beer. Why? Cuz you get more that way. DER.
Instead of trying expensive drinks, wines, and beer, we decided to stay true to ourselves and promote our own version of liquor reviews - cheap drinks baby!
Now, I'm a beer drinking girl. I rarely drink mixed drinks. Beer is just easier and always tasty. However, one of my friends was drinking a delicious concoction last weekend - vodka lemonade.
But not your usual vodka lemonade.
It was grape vodka and crystal light.
It was a party in my mouth.
It's a yummy yet cheap summer drink and it is also low-cal for those watching their weight.
~ Sarah
Instead of trying expensive drinks, wines, and beer, we decided to stay true to ourselves and promote our own version of liquor reviews - cheap drinks baby!
Now, I'm a beer drinking girl. I rarely drink mixed drinks. Beer is just easier and always tasty. However, one of my friends was drinking a delicious concoction last weekend - vodka lemonade.
But not your usual vodka lemonade.
It was grape vodka and crystal light.
It was a party in my mouth.
It's a yummy yet cheap summer drink and it is also low-cal for those watching their weight.
~ Sarah
Saturday, August 13, 2011
The internet isn't just about porn and Facebook...
It can be about kick ass friendships.
Nic and I met seven years ago...online.
We finally met in person in March 2010.
We connected in such a way that didn't require us to sit on each other's face. Out of this online friendship came a stronger "in real life" friendship that continues to grow despite our distance.
We cannot have a serious conversation without one of us belching, farting, or making a sex joke. It breaks the ice. It's what we do.
We have ideas.
Good God do we have ideas.
Whether these ideas will come to fruition is unknown.
But we have ideas.
What we DO know is that we will have a podcast. What we do NOT know is how to do this podcast living 2,000 miles apart but I know that it CAN be done. We aren't the most tech savvy of broads but we will find a way to make this work.
We apologize in advance if you don't find us funny. We think we are hilarious and the key word here is THINK. We have a lot to say and are frankly tired of listening to each other talk . Why not make the rest of the interwebs listen?
We are just getting started so the afterbirth is still dripping off this blog. Keep your eyes and ears peeled for whats to come. We talk about everything from sex to scrapbooking, marriage to stand-up comedians, current events to funny pictures of cats. Like our masthead says, we are are the A.D.D. of blogs. You don't know what you'll get any given day so keep stopping by. We will make your jaw drop at one point or another.
~ Sarah & Nic
Nic and I met seven years ago...online.
We finally met in person in March 2010.
We connected in such a way that didn't require us to sit on each other's face. Out of this online friendship came a stronger "in real life" friendship that continues to grow despite our distance.
We cannot have a serious conversation without one of us belching, farting, or making a sex joke. It breaks the ice. It's what we do.
We have ideas.
Good God do we have ideas.
Whether these ideas will come to fruition is unknown.
But we have ideas.
What we DO know is that we will have a podcast. What we do NOT know is how to do this podcast living 2,000 miles apart but I know that it CAN be done. We aren't the most tech savvy of broads but we will find a way to make this work.
We apologize in advance if you don't find us funny. We think we are hilarious and the key word here is THINK. We have a lot to say and are frankly tired of listening to each other talk . Why not make the rest of the interwebs listen?
We are just getting started so the afterbirth is still dripping off this blog. Keep your eyes and ears peeled for whats to come. We talk about everything from sex to scrapbooking, marriage to stand-up comedians, current events to funny pictures of cats. Like our masthead says, we are are the A.D.D. of blogs. You don't know what you'll get any given day so keep stopping by. We will make your jaw drop at one point or another.
~ Sarah & Nic
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