Yes. Those are the words I actually uttered at dinner last night with my three heathens. They are 10, 9, and 5 years old. My 10yo is in 5th grade and learning about puberty in school. She brought it up at dinner and the topics just spun out of control. Some gems overheard at our table tonight...
"My penis is always so hard in the morning. I have to push it down just to get it to pee!" ~ 9yo
"Mom - I yike to make my penis big sometimes." ~ 5yo
"I learned that to make a baby, the egg and sperm meet in, um, Uranus?" ~ 10yo
"I think you mean 'uterus' hun." ~ Me
"Yeah yeah, uterus." ~ 10yo
"The hair by my weiner is called pubic hair? Really? Cuz I have some...look!!" ~ 9yo
"Nonononononono...I believe you, I swear! Sit down and eat your pancakes!" ~ Me
"If my penis gets hard when I wake up in the morning because I have to pee, why isn't it always hard all day?" ~ 9yo
You might think this is hilarious...as well you should. However, along with it being funny, I think it's wonderful. Wonderful that my children will ask me about anything regardless if it embarasses them. There were moments when I had to stifle a laugh because I didn't want them to blush (but c'mon, Uranus? If she only knew!!)
My goal with this conversation was to educate my kids on their bodies and lay the groundwork for future conversations that may be difficult for them to approach. One thing I am adamant about is using the correct terminology for their body parts when having these conversations. Yes my boys call their penises "weiners" and I've referred to my own abyss as my lady garden of love ( but not when speaking to my kids though...that's just weird). However, when talking and educating them, it's penis, vagina, etc. I did throw in a Uranus joke at one point because I am secretly a 12 year old boy trapped in a 34 year old woman's body and that shit is funny.
I do struggle with one area of the puberty topic - body issues. I have body issues, like most people. I'm hoping to curb a little of that by being honest and frank with my daughter as she gets older. She's already bitching about her thighs which just breaks my heart. I can talk about pubes with my kids without batting an eye but I struggle to find the right words to make my daughter feel confident in herself. It's a learning experience and I am learning something new every day. All I can do is show her that she is beautiful regardless of what she thinks and that physical beauty is only a tiny part of the entire package. I'm going to throw out that old cliche' - "It's on the inside that what counts".
Unless it's syphillis. Then fuck off.
~ S
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Welcome to "WTF Wednesday"!
For our first installment of WTF Wednesday, I'd like to introduce you to Linda Harvey. Linda is a "radio personality" and part of a group called Mission America whose mission seems to be spreading the word that "OH MY GOD, THE GAYS ARE COMING AND THEY ARE AFTER YOUR KIDS!!!"
A couple of weeks ago, dear, misguided Linda advised her listeners to avoid letting gay healthcare workers be involved in the care of their children. Seems she thinks that a rainbow lapel pin is somehow going to turn your child into a gay, God-less heathen and you will instantly be swallowed into the fiery pits of hell for being such a horrible parent. Or something like that. She suggested filing a letter with your pediatrician that says, "Gay people scare me and I want to pass my fear and ignorance onto my children, so please keep the queers away from Little Billy." Or something like that. It's okay if it's an emergency she says. If it's a matter of life and death, the gays get a pass which is mighty generous of her, don't you think?
This week, she's on a new mission. She wants people to oppose anti-bullying legislation because she thinks it will indoctrinate the youth of America. She may have a point. If we don't let our children make fun of and ostracize people who are different than them, how will they feel superior? And how else will the homosexual kid know he doesn't deserve to be treated with dignity or respect? Forget the fact suicide is the third leading cause of death among teens, or that there is an undeniable link between kids who try to kill themselves (or do) and bullying. Never mind that gay teens get bullied two to three times as much as straight kids. Those are just silly facts getting in the way! Parents have an obligation to keep up the "dreaded "climate of hate"" (her words and scare quotes) because as any thinking individual knows, once a kid learns it's not okay to treat someone else like shit, they will automatically start loving Lady Gaga and ask for a subscription to The Advocate.
In all seriousness though, what the fuck? You hate gay people, we get it. Deny it all you want, quote the Bible, say it's about "protecting" kids, but at the end of the day, this sort of bullshit is nothing more than hate-mongering. If I had a sick child, I would want someone good at their job caring for them. How a parent could be concerned about someone who *might* be gay taking care of their sick kid boggles my mind. What are your priorities, exactly?
Her drivel about anti-bullying programs being, "a carte blanche for sexual-deviance promotion" is nauseating, sad and terribly ignorant. News flash: no one is trying to turn your kids gay. I promise. What we ARE doing is trying to protect innocent kids from being bullied to the point that they try to hurt themselves. Forgive me if I'm mistaken (because I AM a God-less heathen) but isn't there a guy in the Bible she hides behind who said bullying is unacceptable? Wasn't his name Jesus?
-Nic
A couple of weeks ago, dear, misguided Linda advised her listeners to avoid letting gay healthcare workers be involved in the care of their children. Seems she thinks that a rainbow lapel pin is somehow going to turn your child into a gay, God-less heathen and you will instantly be swallowed into the fiery pits of hell for being such a horrible parent. Or something like that. She suggested filing a letter with your pediatrician that says, "Gay people scare me and I want to pass my fear and ignorance onto my children, so please keep the queers away from Little Billy." Or something like that. It's okay if it's an emergency she says. If it's a matter of life and death, the gays get a pass which is mighty generous of her, don't you think?
This week, she's on a new mission. She wants people to oppose anti-bullying legislation because she thinks it will indoctrinate the youth of America. She may have a point. If we don't let our children make fun of and ostracize people who are different than them, how will they feel superior? And how else will the homosexual kid know he doesn't deserve to be treated with dignity or respect? Forget the fact suicide is the third leading cause of death among teens, or that there is an undeniable link between kids who try to kill themselves (or do) and bullying. Never mind that gay teens get bullied two to three times as much as straight kids. Those are just silly facts getting in the way! Parents have an obligation to keep up the "dreaded "climate of hate"" (her words and scare quotes) because as any thinking individual knows, once a kid learns it's not okay to treat someone else like shit, they will automatically start loving Lady Gaga and ask for a subscription to The Advocate.
In all seriousness though, what the fuck? You hate gay people, we get it. Deny it all you want, quote the Bible, say it's about "protecting" kids, but at the end of the day, this sort of bullshit is nothing more than hate-mongering. If I had a sick child, I would want someone good at their job caring for them. How a parent could be concerned about someone who *might* be gay taking care of their sick kid boggles my mind. What are your priorities, exactly?
Her drivel about anti-bullying programs being, "a carte blanche for sexual-deviance promotion" is nauseating, sad and terribly ignorant. News flash: no one is trying to turn your kids gay. I promise. What we ARE doing is trying to protect innocent kids from being bullied to the point that they try to hurt themselves. Forgive me if I'm mistaken (because I AM a God-less heathen) but isn't there a guy in the Bible she hides behind who said bullying is unacceptable? Wasn't his name Jesus?
-Nic
Monday, November 7, 2011
Grilled Cheesus hates us.
Sarah here...
My laptop got herpes a few weeks ago and I finally got it fixed. However, I've lost some things and don't realize it until I need them.
Like tonight. When I went to edit recordings from our 2nd, 3rd, and 4th podcasts.
Gone.
All those fuckers are GONE. My head is going to explode!!! This must be the Podcasts' Gods telling us to just give it up already. That Sarah isn't technie enough to edit podcasts to make them sound smooth. That we should stick to what we know for now...posting inappropriate shit on the internet.
Sigh.
~S~
My laptop got herpes a few weeks ago and I finally got it fixed. However, I've lost some things and don't realize it until I need them.
Like tonight. When I went to edit recordings from our 2nd, 3rd, and 4th podcasts.
Gone.
All those fuckers are GONE. My head is going to explode!!! This must be the Podcasts' Gods telling us to just give it up already. That Sarah isn't technie enough to edit podcasts to make them sound smooth. That we should stick to what we know for now...posting inappropriate shit on the internet.
Sigh.
~S~
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