"Can we talk about your pubic hair AFTER dinner? Please?"

Yes.  Those are the words I actually uttered at dinner last night with my three heathens.  They are 10, 9, and 5 years old.  My 10yo is in 5th grade and learning about puberty in school.  She brought it up at dinner and the topics just spun out of control.  Some gems overheard at our table tonight...

"My penis is always so hard in the morning.  I have to push it down just to get it to pee!" ~ 9yo

"Mom - I yike to make my penis big sometimes." ~ 5yo

"I learned that to make a baby, the egg and sperm meet in, um, Uranus?" ~ 10yo
"I think you mean 'uterus' hun." ~ Me
"Yeah yeah, uterus." ~ 10yo

"The hair by my weiner is called pubic hair?  Really?  Cuz I have some...look!!"  ~ 9yo
"Nonononononono...I believe you, I swear!  Sit down and eat your pancakes!" ~ Me

"If my penis gets hard when I wake up in the morning because I have to pee, why isn't it always hard all day?" ~ 9yo

You might think this is hilarious...as well you should.  However, along with it being funny, I think it's wonderful.  Wonderful that my children will ask me about anything regardless if it embarasses them.  There were moments when I had to stifle a laugh because I didn't want them to blush (but c'mon, Uranus?  If she only knew!!)

My goal with this conversation was to educate my kids on their bodies and lay the groundwork for future conversations that may be difficult for them to approach.  One thing I am adamant about is using the correct terminology for their body parts when having these conversations.  Yes my boys call their penises "weiners" and I've referred to my own abyss as my lady garden of love ( but not when speaking to my kids though...that's just weird).  However, when talking and educating them, it's penis, vagina, etc.  I did throw in a Uranus joke at one point because I am secretly a 12 year old boy trapped in a 34 year old woman's body and that shit is funny.

I do struggle with one area of the puberty topic - body issues.  I have body issues, like most people.  I'm hoping to curb a little of that by being honest and frank with my daughter as she gets older.  She's already bitching about her thighs which just breaks my heart.  I can talk about pubes with my kids without batting an eye but I struggle to find the right words to make my daughter feel confident in herself.  It's a learning experience and I am learning something new every day.  All I can do is show her that she is beautiful regardless of what she thinks and that physical beauty is only a tiny part of the entire package.  I'm going to throw out that old cliche' - "It's on the inside that what counts".

Unless it's syphillis.  Then fuck off.

~ S